Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014 Resolutions!

I love a new year. It's a fresh start, a time to reflect on the past, look forward to the future, state wishes, set goals, and grow a little. 

I've had good luck sticking to resolutions in the past and I think it's because I try to set realistic expectations based on changes I truly want to make. And not huge changes; just a few shifts in habits.

And so 2014's resolutions are:

1. Get back in shape. Now, I love myself and I don't think I look half bad. However, in 2011-12 I was in good shape and felt great. Now that I've felt the difference, carrying even a little extra weight almost feels like being sick. I feel sluggish, tired, rolling over at night is weird--I don't enjoy it. I want to be able to keep up with Luke once he starts running around in a year or two. I care about myself. I'm worth the effort. And if any further reason is needed, I did 9 squats yesterday and threw my back out. So, yeah. Time to get back into shape.

2. Never talk about it. In fact, I plan to deny I did anything to get back into shape. I can't stand reading about eating, so I promise not to inflict it upon you. Plus, a friend said recently "If I talk about something, it satisfies the need to actually do it." I know I'm guilty of that too. You don't have to hear about a bagel I resisted and I don't have to pretend to resist a bagel only to later shame-stuff it into my mouth in my car WHERE INSTAGRAM CANNOT FIND ME. We all win.

3. Go to bed the same day I wake up (preferably by 11pm). This doesn't sound like a hard one, until you know I haven't regularly gone to sleep before 1-2 am since I was 12. I don't want to do it anymore. Good night, Neverland. Peter Pan finally needs a bedtime.

4. No soda or sugar at home on weekdays. I consume so much sugar it's breathtaking. And by breathtaking, I mean I struggle with stairs. My heart is just one of those chocolate oranges. This is going to help with sleep and getting-back-into-you-know-what. (Not that I did anything to get back into you know what).

5. Be more mindful of the present, live in each moment. My thoughts are typically here, there, and everywhere. I get a lot done, but I sometimes worry I miss out on what's in front of me.

Some goals for 2014: I plan to try and self publish a book, (even if it's just my alphabet animals) apply to sell at Urban Uprising, and finish a couple of projects I've had simmering on the back burner.

2013 was a year of extremes. From extreme joy over Luke's birth, to extreme uncertainty (and yes, sometimes fear) over Ryan's search for employment after the NCSoft offices closed suddenly without warning.

I've experienced some of the happiest days of my life in 2013. Giving birth to Luke and caring for him each day has been a beautiful, exciting, deeply fulfilling experience. I can't equate it to anything else, it is entirely its own adventure. He is a great baby, and we are deeply blessed to have him in our lives.

At the same time, the black cloud of "what happens next", which unfurls over the horizon when a home loses its steady income, has loomed large. Ryan has been able to freelance and work contracts, and I'm proud to say we've made every mortgage payment. Still, it has been a harder year than we expected when we waited to have a baby until we were "financially secure, with health insurance". It's the one thing we played safe, for Luke's sake, and as you can see the Universe was swift in its punishment.

And yet, Luke has made even the bleakest days feel like Christmas, and so I feel guilty complaining even a little. We had a year of incredible ups and downs, but today on December 31st I can look back at a year truly and fully lived, richly experienced with dark nights and bright mornings and true happiness despite any worries.

As I said earlier this year, when Luke's hospital bills began rolling in:

"We waited to have a baby until we had good health coverage. We waited to buy a house until Ryan got promoted. And then one day, without notice, Ryan's entire office just closes.

So, don't plan stuff out folks. You just can't pretend you can predict tomorrow. You can line up everything perfectly, be in the best circumstances, and it doesn't matter--in a good way. Because if you're in bad circumstances, with everything stacked against you, it equally doesn't matter. You can't predict tomorrow, and tomorrow it can all change.

What will happen, happens. Live life, make the best of it, and don't make love decisions like marriage, children, or being happy on cold factors like money. Money can be swept away at a moment's notice; love endures."


What happens next is still a little uncertain, however some contract work has made life a bit easier for the moment. It's my hope some of that uncertainty can be resolved in 2014 (preferably early in 2014).

How about you, do you get excited for a new year? Are you happy to bid 2013 farewell or sad to see it go? Does 2014 feel like a good number to anyone else? I hope you all have a fabulous, safe New Year's Eve and a happy new year! Here's to new beginnings!

2 comments:

  1. I feel very similarly about 2013, and I really feel 2014 is going to step things up both in terms of challenges and rewards. Wishing you and yours a fantastic New Year!

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    1. You too, Francela!!! Here's to 2014!!

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