That Lorax is an Impostor!

Dr. Seuss was a man of integrity. He used his talents as a political cartoonist to call America to join forces against the Nazis in the years when many citizens wanted to stay out of the "European affair". Many of those cartoons were met with mixed reception at the time. We know in hindsight he had the right idea.

He wasn't just scribbling out what was easy, he was arguing for what was right. Later he would turn his talents to children's stories. He would pair his unique drawings with a brilliant flare for rhyming and trisyllabic meter. Again, he could have gone the easy route. He could have peddled fluff and bed time stories, but instead he used his talents to say something real to children.

And now this exists.

Who is destroying my childhood?

"Who?" That stupid bear thing seems to shrug.

"I don't know, you've only said it like a billion times." The Lorax sporting a crisp, new cookie cutter personality meanly responds, boiling my blood as I scream incoherently at the tv screen.

NO HOLLYWOOD, NOT THE LORAX!

You know who wouldn't stand for this?
The Lorax....

The Lorax is a beautiful cautionary tale against a world that would make an over-commercialized blockbuster cartoon based on the Lorax. It's a lovely book, and there was even a cartoon made in the 1970s using Dr. Seuss's own words and art. In third grade I watched it for the first time, in that magical world of the school library with its blinds drawn. In the dark, the projector humming, the soundtrack popping and fizzing between important truths. Beware, that sweet little orange monster warned. Beware Georgia Dunn, of corporate greed, of consumerism.

"I will, Lorax." I whispered in the quiet dim as the screen flickered off. "I will never forget."

NOW I'M 30 AND THE LORAX IS SELLING PANCAKES.

Paper laminated in plastic, that will be discarded
a month from now and sit in a landfill for 100 years.

OH MY GOD, I FORGOT. WE ALL FORGOT. AND NOW WE LIVE IN A NIGHTMARE WORLD WHERE THE LORAX TALKS LIKE FRANK FROM 'IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA' AND IS TRYING TO SELL ME A F--KING CAR!

Now, I'm not going to knock Danny DeVito working on a kid's movie. We all remember how actually awesome Matilda was. He's working on The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle. I confess I'm psyched. I enjoy when he directs children's movies, I like Danny DeVito. Which makes his compliance in murdering the Lorax all the more painful.

This weekend the Lorax grossed over 70 million. How much of that is going toward saving Truffula trees--real trees--WHATEVER, I'M UPSET, OKAY? It's not even going to Dr. Seuss's loved ones. The rights to his work were sold to Random House in 1994. A company which uses trees to print paper. 

This conspiracy runs deep.

"Georgia, just go see the movie." You may be thinking. "It might not be so bad."

You watch that Mazda commercial again and tell me that movie has something to teach us about consumerism. Not to mention the fact that once again they're turned a children's story into a romantic comedy (what a creepy trend. Can Hollywood please stop doing that?)

We do so much to shield children from sex and violence, what about stupidity? Can we please shield our children from a movie based on a story warning against corporate greed that then sells its image over and over to the highest bidder? How do we explain that to our kids? "Listen to what the Lorax says, but ignore what is happening over here...."

These giant companies are distorting something pure and good for financial gain. Dr. Seuss wrote a book to warn us against just this thing happening. IT WAS CALLED 'THE LORAX'.

Forget this garish re-telling, with its forced romantic plotline and non-rhyming regular ol' boring dialogue. Dr. Seuss is a master wordsmith, his stories are classics. The writers of this movie are not going to make the same mark on our culture that he has, they're just not. The only thing recycled in that movie will be the characters themselves, if that Mazda commercial bizarro Lorax is any indication. (I bet the boy gets real nervous around girls, what a clutz!)

Instead, please share the original story with your children. Preferably in book form, but if they really want a cartoon you can find the original cartoon here:

And remember:

That's right little guy. Preach on, fuzzy brother!