Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Lady Riding Hood

This weekend Ryan and I were eating lunch, preparing to go to Bellevue when we decided to check out the first episode of 'Game of Thrones'.

Ten hours later, it was 1am and we had watched the entire first season in one sitting.

OH-EM-GEE, did we love it! We're going to get the books, as we've heard they're even better (of course they are, when has a movie ever improved upon a book?) April 1st and the dawn of season two cannot come fast enough.

If you've seen the series you may recall the opening shots of the snowy forest. When painting on Monday I could think of little else, and my pencil and brushes created this:

Lady Riding Hood

The lady and the wolf close up.

I loved the dire wolves in 'Game of Thrones', which made Ryan ecstatic as he spends a good chunk of every day trying to convince me we need a dog. Honestly, I am not a dog person.  I do like some of the dogs I have met but not as a species (to be fair, I feel the same way about people). Overall I think that dogs are destructive and prone to hurting themselves (again, people).

And if you wish to argue with me about this, these are the guidelines:

1. You dog has never destroyed anything in your home. I mean it. Nothing. Not one pillow, not one item of clothing, not one remote control.
2. Within the last year you have not had to rush your dog to the vet for eating anything it shouldn't have.
3. You have never spent more than $300 at the vet because your dog ate something it shouldn't have.
4. Your dog doesn't have some weird health problem that stems from it chewing on itself.
5. Your dog has never spent more than 30 seconds chewing on itself.

If you own some magic, fantastical, mythical canine who fits these impossible guidelines, by all means convince me.

I'm comparing this list to my Elvis, who has never done any of these things. Elvis is a perfect angel.

Oh yes, he is.

Can your dog guard pancakes? WITHOUT eating them?

Friends are laughing because the inside joke is he is a terror. Over on my exiled-for-Lent Facebook I have a treasure trove of photos with Elvis causing trouble. They could be their own blog post. However, I argue that proper adulthood (he's 3) has mellowed him. Elvis is a great cat until a stranger scoops him up, and then it's all teeth. To be fair, we tell everyone who comes into our apartment not to pick him up. Men of all ages understand this. Women every time without fail try to hold him like a baby. It never ends well.

Back to the point, Ryan is hoping my love of the dire wolves in 'Game of Thrones' will translate into wanting a dire wolf in real life. And this is the kind of dire wolf he most desires:

Sigh. No, it's cute. I get it. 

Ryan had a basset hound named Daisy when he was a kid (oddly I had a Siamese cat named Daisy when I was a kid?) I'll admit it, Gracie and I grew up around a basset hound named Barney and he's high on the list of the dogs I've known that I actually liked. He sneezed a lot, but hey, he never ate a couch.

No, for real dog people: I know two families with dogs that have eaten a couch. (Okay, like 70% of a couch--BUT STILL, TWO DIFFERENT FAMILIES HAVE THIS VERY REAL, VERY INSANE PROBLEM. How is that not like having a raccoon or a bear in the house? Words I'll never have to say: "Oh no honey, Elvis ATE THE COUCH").

Then again the largest dog I like (Jake) is super gentle and his best friend is a baby girl. And the smartest dog I like (Jack) is the most destructive dog I have ever known--but he's really cool despite it? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe. Someday very far off.

Luckily for me, our apartment building does not allow dogs.

He even does the dishes!
(Old apartment, after a potluck).


  1. All right all right all right; touche on the dog points. Especially the pancakes. However, I have never woken up with Mystery Face Wounds because Jack jumped into bed with me and decided to draw on it with his claws. While I was sleeping.

  2. Oooh, that is true. I can't deny Elvis did that (many times) once.

  3. I feel that most dogs that are destructive are that way because they are not treated correctly. Dogs are pack animals and they spend their days in the wild traveling. They get emotional and ansy when that instinct is ignored. Dogs crave a leader and they need to get A LOT of exercise. When that doesn't happen, that's when they start destroying shit! Also, I can count on one hand the number of dogs that I was uncomfortable to be around. On the OTHER hand, I can count the number of cats that I HAVEN'T been uncomfortable to be around. The get all vicious and sharp for no damn reason.

    Furthermore, for every dog that's eaten a show or stolen my underpants out of the dirty laundry... or the clean laundry, I can think of a house I've been to where the bottom six inches of every piece of furniture have been completely decimated by a cat. Plus the curtains and upholstery.

  4. No fair Preston, to make an argument you have to state the dog you have owned/known who fits these requirements. I tried to make all my dog behavior guidelines stuff that even the best trained, most awesome dog would still do just because it's a dog and even at their best they are gross. I know well trained dogs that still have done these things. They eat everything, even themselves, with constant chewing. I again challenge everyone to name ONE DOG who meets those guidelines. Not 'the problem is' not 'most of the time', just one impossible super dog that actually lives up to the Disney movie hype those guidelines provide.

    However, Preston you do make two really good points. This is how I feel about them:

    Cats it's the same thing problem of good training. It's really easy to train a cat to use their claws properly when it comes to furniture, but many people give up too early. Elvis and Pucky are both scratching post trained. Our furniture is without a mark.

    I 100% agree that dogs need a leader and a lot of exercise, and I can tell everyone right now I don't want to do any of that--which is why I should not own a dog. Dogs are so much work, cats are like roommates. Cats do their own thing. A dog is underfoot every moment of the day from the time their person comes home, I don't know how people can stand that.

    The argument people always seem to hand me at this point is "well, if you don't want a dog, I hope you don't want a baby", so I'll preemptively state my usual reply before anyone says it. I remind folks there's no comparison between caring for an animal and raising a child, they are two incredibly different tasks, with very different instincts and outcomes. I can't teach a dog to read or help it memorize multiplication tables, I can forgive the mess a child makes of a home, and even then chances are good it won't eat the couch.

  5. The dog I grew up with fit all of those guidelines without question. Also there was no possibility of him making people bleed. He adored anyone who paid him attention. Was attentive and heeded calls and commands. He even smiled when he was super happy. You know what species doesn't do most of those?

  6. Thank you so much, Gunilla! I was so happy to see you commented on the blog! And Carlos, Ryan is going to read this and run with it all afternoon :)


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