Georgia's Guide to Why 'Someone Like You' Is The Worst

Every now and then a song hits the airwaves that we hate, while everyone around us literally sings its praises. I'm certain you can think back and recall at least one song everyone kept turning up even as you searched in vain for a hammer to silence the radio.

For my pal Preston it's 'Rock Lobster' (I know, can you believe it?) Naturally we all request it whenever he isn't paying attention in any establishment where tunes are played. We've played it at bars, clubs, weddings. He hates us for it and as his friends we consider it our duty that he hears it as often as possible.

Karma may be paying me back. Recently I have fallen in hate with a song of my own, and it's like the entire world is sneaking off to request it to drive me crazy. It comes on in the car, at bar trivia, when we're out to eat, everywhere, all the time. Last night it was on THREE RADIO STATIONS AT ONCE as I wailed in the car, futilely spinning the dial. Then it played overhead as the waiter handed me my diet coke and I wished I was the kind of person with the courage and fortitude to jam a straw into my inner ear.

I am of course talking about 'Someone Like You' by Adele.

I know what you're thinking. "Georgia, you f--king monster, that song is like if my soul could speak without fear."

Okay, okay, I'm the only person in America--no in Western Civilization--no, okay, alright, in the WORLD--who hates this song. Trust me, I'm reminded about every twenty minutes as it slinks back into my range of hearing. I get it. It's beautiful. It's haunting. I'm a terrible person who doesn't understand real heartache.

But here's what you don't get, everyone in the world. This song is super creepy and if you were actually faced with someone saying this to you, you would get a restraining order. Come along with me on "Georgia's Guide to Why 'Someone Like You' Is The Worst", won't you? We'll even look past the fact that Adele sounds increasingly unhinged as the song goes on, and just look at some of the lyrics.

The song begins benignly enough:

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now.

How very lovely for the person in this song! So this must be an old friend who--oh, wait a minute:

I heard that your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Oh, here we go. The person in the song has run into an ex. Judging by the subtle guilt trip this line is laying down, we can already tell this is going to be one of those uncomfortable grocery store conversations.


"How are you? So, I heard your dreams came true."
"Oh...yeah, I guess they did. How's your sister? I heard she was sick--"
"She's dead. Let's talk more about your new wife."

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

This is our first indication that the person in the song has begun to back away from the ex. Why are they so shy, we wonder?

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

Whoa, what--

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

Take it easy--

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

I have pepper spray--

That for me, it isn't over

Oh, I get it. 

Yup.

Everyone around me has been telling me for months that this song is so sweet. It's such a moving melody filled with good wishes and hope for moving on. However, to me it sounds like it should have been the one and only song on the Fatal Attraction soundtrack. No. Seriously.

There is a big difference between the idealistic fantasy of the songwriter saying these words into a mirror practicing for her big speech to her old flame and the reality of an ex lover showing up out of nowhere to tell you, "No, seriously, I'm over it. I wish you the best. I just came here uninvited, out of the blue, because I heard you got married--WHY SO SHY? DON'T PULL AWAY--"

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

That's a weird thing to say. I don't even have a joke, it's just flat out a weird thing to say.

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Delightful, the guilt trip has been extended!

Don't forget me, I begged

Begged? Is this happening in public? Because you're making a scene.

 I remember you said

"No, you said it. I remember you said it. I remember because I wrote it down in the journal I keep that's bound with your hair."

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

She says it twice, you know, in case you missed the threat the first time. And here the knife comes down again.

The song goes on trying to convince the person how great it was "only yesterday" when they were together, how nothing compares, it repeats the scary chorus a few times, and asks who would have ever imagined how bittersweet this was going to be. (This murder suicide, I'm assuming).

And there you have it. It's a stalker anthem. And I will bet plenty of creepsters have already embraced it as their favorite Saturday night drive-by-the-ex's-house-song.

Adele is an amazingly talented singer, and she is an incredible song writer. Her first two singles from 21, 'Rolling in the Deep' and 'Rumor Has It', were great. They voiced a strong, sure woman. In the first she's all, "Dude, you missed out" and in the second she's like "Boy, you know you want this." I admit some of my dislike of 'Someone Like You' is the disappointment that struck me when I discovered the rest of the album was typical 'sad girl at a piano' music. I prefer awesome girl at a piano music, like Tori Amos and Kate Bush. Adele still most certainly has potential not to sound like a girl dumped on Valentine's Day, it's just a bad idea to write an album immediately following a break up.

I'll play him 'Someone Like You'
then he'll get it.